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“Sometimes a ‘no’ to someone else is a ‘yes’ to me.” - Anonymous
In today’s climate, an everyday act of courage for Black women isn’t always about marching in the streets or making big, dramatic stands. It can be as simple — and as radical — as saying “no.” Not a no rooted in resistance, but a no that makes space for a bigger yes to ourselves.
A Black Lady Stream 🎥
In her TED Talk My Year of Saying Yes to Everything, Shonda Rhimes shares how she spent a year saying yes to opportunities, play, and joy — even when it scared her. For her, yes became a lifeline back to herself.
For Black women, our yes often looks different. It might mean saying no to expectations and demands that drain us, so we can say yes to our own rest, peace, and wholeness. Shonda’s story is a reminder that whether it’s yes or no, the real power comes when we choose ourselves.
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Why It Matters
Malcolm X once said that the Black woman is the least protected in America. Even today, studies confirm what we’ve long known. Black women are the most highly educated, yet our employment numbers have declined. Our voices are celebrated only when others benefit. We show up because we must. And yet, courage for us doesn’t always mean carrying everyone else. Sometimes it means carrying ourselves.
What Courage Looks Like
Everyday courage can look like:
- Not staying late to help the co-worker who will never return the favor.
- Refusing to be the spokesperson when the room falls silent.
- Choosing not to code-switch.
- Valuing your own feelings over someone else’s comfort.
- Walking out the door with no makeup.
- Wearing natural hair unapologetically.
- Owning every curve of your body.
For us, the list is endless — because living authentically in a world that demands we shrink ourselves is an act of courage.
Rest as Resistance
After the election, 92% of Black women voted for Kamala Harris. And when we chose to rest instead of flooding the streets afterward, we were ridiculed. We are expected to fight, to save, to show up — and to do it all with a smile. But rest is resistance. Choosing ourselves is resistance. And saying “no” can be the loudest, bravest “yes” of all.
✍🏾Journal Prompt
Where did I override my “no” lately, and what did it cost me? If I said “yes” to myself instead, what would that look like today (time, energy, money, or care)?
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💪🏾Challenge Yourself
Say one clear "no" to something that drains you and schedule a concrete "yes" to you (put it on the calendar).
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💅🏾Affirmation
I honor my boundaries. Every “no” I give others is a deeper “yes” to myself—my time, my body, my joy, my rest.
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For Black women, everyday courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes it whispers: “No. Because I deserve this yes.” May your everyday acts of courage remind you that you are worthy of the yes you give yourself.
With love,
Ingrid
